In a largely expected move, Apple is suing itself for "slavishly copying" not only it's range of tablets and phones but also it's "coolness".
"It's obvious", said an Apple spokesman. "We produce a shiny glass box and the next thing we find on their website is an identical box. The last straw is their copy of the magical iPad; imagine the disappointment of a customer getting home to use their iPad only to find it's a copy - how would they cope with doing whatever they're used for on an identical machine."
In a related story, Apple's lawyers have recently purchased Canada as "somewhere nice for weekends."