"It's a plastic time bomb waiting to happen," - not the words of a shrieking 24-hour rolling-news-harpie with a spray-tanned botoxed face and perky 'look-at-me' silicon breasts barely constrained by crisp white blouse, but the sober conclusion of an academically-respected institution that eats life and shits facts. Swaffham University, long recognised as the leading research institution in the country specialising in the study of children's plastic figures, has published the findings of a 5-year study into the changing shape of Lego characters. Their conclusion, based on computer modelling and the most advanced forms of modern guesswork, predicts that half of the all Lego figures will suffer from 'Legobesity' by the year 2030. It means a generation of fat pirates, rotund construction workers, and a set of Stars figures that will require an Extra Large in Death Stars, Tie Fighters and Jedi Knight Robes.
Its thought that the problem may be caused by exposure to human beings. 'Lego characters are merely a representation of the human form in plastic. It's no surprise that they are adapting to reflect the fact that we are becoming huge waddling bags of undifferentiated saturated fat,' says the report.
The problem was first noted in 'Weebles', which tended to wobble but not fall down. However, in subsequent years, it has emerged among other plastic figures in the Sylvanian community, the Action man range and Katie Price.
It's understood that the research group will turn their attention next to premature hair-loss among gonks.