The world’s important Financial type people were tapped on the shoulder last night and politely told that this ‘complex system’ they’ve built for themselves is actually just Yvette Fielding in a condemned house with no lighting which makes some creaking noises every now and then.
Fielding spends her time blithely wandering into buildings with a history of violent carnage on the advice of self-professed experts. They advise her that it’s really risky, then proceed to turn the lights off and shout at her in various voices of dead people. Fielding typically shouts back “Shit it’s not safe, I’ve got to get out of here!” then runs away like she’s on fire.
The world is then surprised to note that the next day Fielding has strolled into another dodgy house on the advice of the same experts who then turn the lights off again and start barking at her.
“What was that? What the F##K was that?!” Fielding always declares with instant nervousness. Experts then claim to be ‘Elsie’, a Victorian domestic servant who recounts the moment she met Jack the Ripper and demands to know where her left kidney went. “Ooh I don’t like it” says Fielding, “It’s not right, make it stop”. “GIVE ME YOUR KIDNEY!” scream the experts. “That’s it I’m out of here”, wails Fielding and runs away again.
Important finance people tutted at the very idea that their tower of imaginary cash was stood on foundations of a jittery gullible bint from Living TV with industrial strength mascara, but the very threat of turning the lights out made most do a little wee.
