David Cameron, Nick clegg and George Osbourne have announced their last ditch effort to save the British economy will be to build a 15 foot North/South dividing wall. The plan will be to create to seperate countries, South England and T' North.
Mr Osbourne explained how the plan will work. "Basically, we shall take all of the bad and toxic national debt and assign it all to T' North. They will then either pay it off, or as expected go bankrupt only having to 1p in every Pound to creditors. Meanwhile South England shall prosper and hold the rest of the UK up." Mr Clegg added "the wall shall be put in place because Dave wants to cap net migration and this will have to include those from T' North. There will be a few areas which you can cross, with the main border control being somewhere on the M1, and nicknamed Checkpoint Charles.
We wanted to speak to Mr Cameron about the policy, however he is currently in the UN advising world leaders how to run their countries, however Number 10 did release a statement. They say that "the Prime Minister got the idea from a number of areas. Spliting companies to put good and bad assets in different areas is not a new thing, companies have been avoiding tax this way for years, in fact most of the CEOs of those companies are great friends with the PM, so it is only logical that he follows their lead."
The exact details of the wall are still sketchy, however it is thought that wall will run in a straight line north of Birmingham. It is understood that the contract for building the wall has been given to a new building company, honouring the governments promise of helping new start businesses. Dale Farm Remote Builders say they are delighted with the new project and say they have already taken a deposit and are ready to start now.
When asked about the decision of the walls location, Mr Osbourne said that it only seemed fair that South England got London, Oxford, Devon, Cornwall, Windsor, Henley and the River Thames giving T' North the picturesque Hull, Grimsby and Bradford. He added" although I have never been, I have seen Coronation Street and it looks lovely.
When quized about the public reaction to the wall Mr Clegg conceded that the public reaction was likely to be unfavourable, adding "Why do you think I am announcing it. We did try consulting with those in the new T' North, but neither Dave, Georgie boy or I could understand a bloody word, so we took that as a yes"
It is thought that the Lib Dems were able to exert their influence in government on the policy. The wall shall be painted yellow