A Norfolk pensioner has been arrested in connection with the napalm death of a suspected intruder at her home on Saturday night. A charred pile of human remains was discovered on the welcome mat inside the front door of her bungalow by police who had been alerted to an incident by concerned residents.
Police were called after a neighbour reported seeing several ‘human-torches’ scaling his garden fence and jumping into his Koi carp pond.
A police spokesman said, “I can confirm that an eighty two year old woman has been arrested in connection with the incineration of an intruder, and a two-cylinder flame-thrower containing a napalm propellant has been removed from the scene for forensic tests.”
Mr Harold Carpenter, a local resident said, “I’m just settling down to watch the National Lottery's ‘In It to Win It” when I hears this great whooshing noise followed by loud screams. As Dale Winton hadn’t announced any winners I knew it must have come from outside. So I looks through the window and sees this bloke leaping over my fence just as a stream of liquid flame hits him right in the arse of his trousers. Then another one appears like a human torch and dives head first into my carp pond. I was really concerned as most of them are over thirty years old now and I was scared of them being deep fried.”
Another neighbour who wished to remain anonymous said. “I could see the old lady standing in the doorway over a pile of ash, and with what looked like a back-pack and a long hose with molten metal dripping out of it. The poor love was in full camouflage gear, like a very frail version of Rambo, and I sensed that something must be wrong.“
This incident is the latest in a series of similar occurrences in the Norfolk area where charges have been dropped against householders in connection with ‘intruder’ deaths. In July a Great Plumstead farmer was cleared of murder after decapitating an intruder with a chainsaw, sending sales at the local B&Q rocketing skywards.