BBC anchorman and former darling of England and Leicester City football squads, Gary Lineker, is today facing up to his biggest challenge yet. Bigger even than when he used to be dreadful at presenting, and it looked as if he wouldn't last more than two minutes at the Beeb.
In the face of an upcoming tabloid expose, Lineker has finally admitted that he has a crisp problem. Friends and colleagues alike are said to be relieved that the news is out, and last night gruff pundit, Alan Hansen, commented, "It was getting terrible. He could hardly get on The Match Of The Day set without at least three jumbo bags of Sensations down him - and that was just the start of it!
On live matches he never bothered his arse watching the game. He just spent the entire two halves wolfing down bag after bag of whatever he could get his hands on, then coming back at halftime and the end of the game, blagging his way as he watched all the replays the producer edited for us to discuss in our analysis segments."
Co-presenter, Mark "Lorro" Lawrenson, adds, "First it was only good gear like, Walkers, M&S, Kettle Chips and that, but then he started going down the cash and carry and getting those cheap 10p bags that they sell in some corner shops. I've seen him do an entire box of 48 in one 20 minute binge!"
A BBC spokesman confirmed that Lineker was currently on leave and that the corporation could not say when the troubled anchor would be back in front of the cameras. A source close to Lineker has said that the star's entire family is praying that he beats his biggest battle yet, and that we'll all see him back and in even better form, in time for the next year's Euro finals to be staged in Poland and the Ukraine.
