The re-drawing of constituency boundaries in England and Wales could pave the way for a radical reclaiming of foreign territories and the return of Great Britain to its seat of global power, say pro-Empire elements within the Conservative Party.
‘All it would take is a small slip of the pen and – hey presto! China, India and Japan become part of my Horsham and Far East constituency,’ said Cabinet Office minister, Francis Maude. ‘That’s the 19th century way and basically how we got our Empire in the first place. Besides, the addition to my constituency of India and its thriving economy would provide a much-needed boost to the people of Horsham, and that tiger-skin rug looks great in my office.’
Foreign Secretary William Hague has endorsed such expansionist boundary changes, arguing that they could significantly improve foreign relations. ‘Just think of the bother we’d have saved ourselves if, in 1918, we’d made Germany part of the Great Yarmouth and Nazi Motherland constituency. Hitler would never have stuck with politics if he’d had to sit through constituency surgeries with Norfolk farmers moaning about grain subsidies and faulty cattle grids.’
The plans have also been welcomed by ambitious Parliamentarians such as Andrew George, MP for St Ives and the 13 American colonies, and Andrew Turner, MP for the Isle of Wight, Transvaal and Rhodesia.
However the proposals have left far-right groups and some in the Conservative party feeling conflicted. ‘I’ve always said we should get out of Europe, and I have an inherent dislike for foreigners, but is it okay if they are all now basically part of Britain?’ asked former Conservative MP Sir Peter Viggers. ‘It just feels wrong. Bloody foreigners – coming over here, voting in our elections.’
'That said,’ added the prospective Tory candidate for the Gosport and the Arabian Peninsula seat, ‘a constituency home in Dubai would be nice. Think of the expenses I could claim on that.’