‘It simply isn’t big enough,’ explained architect Geoff Crabfoot,‘We suggest the minimum size a kingdom needs to be to comfortably house four countries is 249450 SQ kilometres, at just 244,820 the UK is well short. That is the equivalent of a spare county the size of Hampshire, complete with a cathedral, town hall and dodgy council estate. Countries simply cannot cohabit under such cramped conditions.’
The Institute of Architects says its findings are backed up by recent historical events.
‘Our kingdoms should be places that enhance our lives and well-being, but cramped conditions such as these can bring out the worst in countries. England wouldn’t have stolen all that Scottish oil if it had been allowed enough space to express itself and Ireland’s exporting of Jedward can only be explained as spite. We used to get on so well, it’s a real shame.’
The institute also claims there are further examples of this issue across the globe.
‘You only have to look around the rest of the planet; USA; loads of space, everyone gets on perfectly. Middle East; cramped, carnage.’
The government is looking at the findings but rumours that they are considering outsourcing Scotland to central Australia are, as yet, unfounded.