Flash, the household cleaning brand, has added to their popular range such as Flash Kitchen and Flash Bathroom with an assortment of products specifically aimed at areas of the home that don’t currently have the benefit of a dedicated cleaner such as the attic or the utility room.
Launched with celebrity endorsements under the tag line ‘These are the cleaners that you didn’t know you wanted but can’t do without’, manufacturers Proctor & Gamble believe they are well on the way towards achieving their goal of having a cleaning product for every location in the house.
‘It so important for the householder to be able to differentiate between the different offerings,’ enthused a spokesman. ‘For instance Flash Bathroom is totally different from new Flash En-Suite. For a start the container is labelled differently. No discerning person who wishes to be considered literate would have a bottle of ‘Bathroom’ in their En-Suite.’
Included in the line-up are a number of new products aimed at and around the previously neglected staircase market such as Flash Bannister, Flash Stairwell and Flash Cupboard-under-the-Stairs, being advertised by Harry Potter star, Daniel Radcliffe.
Domestic cleaning TV star, Aggie Mackenzie was full of praise for the new varieties. ‘This is a wonderful range of products for the fastidious homeowner,’ she trilled. ‘I’m especially looking forward to trying Flash’s Second Stair from the Top, a part of the home I’ve always found to be a particular challenge.’
Procter & Gamble’s spokesman said they were delighted with the response to their marketing campaign. ‘We’re going to clean up,’ he quipped, ‘We knew we were on to a winner when we heard that the major supermarkets were already simulating the design for their own brand version before ours had hit the shelves. We are also pleased to announce that Cillit Bang’s plans to have Barry Scott front a spoof advert for Flash Bastards have been withdrawn after a visit from some Flash lawyers.’
The only event to spoil an otherwise perfect day was the launch of the new Flash Mop which had been heavily promoted on Twitter. This resulted in the unexpected and sudden appearance of 159 dancers who stripped and happily danced naked when Queen’s Flash was played by the promoters. Fortunately, the new Flash ‘Clear Away Unwanted Exhibitionists’, available as a spray or gel, proved to be up to the task.