A village in rural Essex has asked its local council to move on an encampment of time travellers who have taken up residency without the proper permits.
Speaking to local reporters, Farmer Reg Windy, owner of the disputed land said, "Well, the first sign of them we had was an old blue Police box appeared out of nowhere and this lass called Billy Piper asked if I had any fruit needed picking. I said yes, mainly because she looked in need of the cash and every time she bent down to pick a strawberry, you could see she wasn’t wearing no bra….I never clapped eyes on her bloke…only ever two legs sticking out from under the police box. I thought he was trying to fix it, but I know now that he was hooking it to my mains electricity for free”.
Other residents reported in the following days that Windy Farm’s lower field was over-run with ‘space gypsies’. Neighbours report that not before long they were witnessing illegal boxing matches between diminutive men supervised by a young boy with the residents calling them a, "a bunch of bloody bandits". Reg Windy commented that, “One time we had a giant Romanian ship uncloak in the field. I told my wife and she said they weren’t Romanian but were Romulan…but I’m telling you, either way I bet they’re claiming housing benefit”. The final straws, for some, were late night drag races in a DeLorean and when one illegal inhabitant built half a life-size copy of the Statue of Liberty without planning permission.
Planning representatives say that those dwelling on the plot have been given until last week to vacate the site.