Greenwich meantime have today admitted it has never actually been unable to understand sub atomic time keeping technology and has, for the last thirty years, be taking it's timing from the regular bowel movements of one Mr James Watson 32 Grenville Rd, Billericay.
'I've been regular a clockwork since I was 15.' explained Mr Watson. 'I just ring them up when I'm done and they adjust the world time system accordingly.'
The news that the billions of pound investment in capturing the sub atomic pulse of some obscure crystal has been a sham has caused a knock on effect with the Cern admitting it's discovered Higg's particles in Sainburys years ago, just under the dried pasta shelf. Also Sat Navigation systems thought to be powered by satellites are fact take all their data from which side moss grows on the nearest tree.
In a hastily convened conference of leading scientists is was revealed the hi tech amplification system they were using was actually a bloke under the lectern with a megaphone.
Science, with it's head bowed, has agreed to be disbanded totally and go back to hunting for those pretty shell things on the beach.