Concerns mounted for Tiger Woods after an incident during a tournament last Friday where Woods, missing a difficult putt, extended a foot to stop the ball from continuing past the hole. Missing the same putt again moments later, Woods simply bent over, picked up the ball and dropped it in the hole. His unsportsmanlike behaviour continued when at the games end he claimed to have scored a hole-in-one on every hole but was unable to produce his scorecard, having "lost" it. When the event organisers informed Woods that he had not scored any holes-in-one, Woods repeatedly told them to "prove it" while poking them in the belly button with the head of a golf club and calling everyone "sunshine". He was later found drunk in a sand trap discoursing at great length on whether it was "holes-in-one" or "hole-in-ones."
Coming soon after other gaffes such as turning up with a caddy full of fishing rods and asking his caddy for one of "the shiny ones" when selecting a club to tee off with, there is much discussion about whether Woods is past his peak. Some fans have not forgiven his infamous "FUCK THIS HOOK AND SLICE BULLSHIT, IT'S LEFT AND RIGHT" outburst or the incident where after landing a particularly difficult shot, he turned to the politely applauding crowd and roared "WHAT'S WITH THIS WEAK SISTER CLAPPING HORSESHIT, MAKE SOME NOISE!" Many have also noticed his recent inability to say "bogie" without giggling. Some spectators fainted when he turned his cap around backwards at another recent tournament.
All of this seems to spell the end for Tiger Woods. Reached for comment, Woods began to answer the question but was soon on a surreal tangent questioning the logic of his name. "Tiger Woods? What the fuck man? Tigers aren't in the woods, they're in the jungle. My parents fucked up" before asking our reporter if there were any women in the office that he could speak to.