A government sponsored Think Tank has come up with radical proposals to change public perceptions of police numbers. The 3000 page report suggests that officers should carry with them replicas of their colleagues in the form of full colour cardboard cutouts. Whilst in motion these should occupy the passenger seat and then placed in the driver's seat when parked.
A police spokesman stated that 'whilst broadly in agreement with the plan, issues over the new employees pay and working conditions would have to be answered'. He also commented, 'the effectiveness of these officers in a real-world crime scenario has yet to be proven'.
Local neighborhood groups initially poured scorn on the proposals but appear now to have accepted the idea in light of field tests which show that the new officers achieved arrest rates similar to the existing force yet appeared to have a more caring approach.
The Equal Opportunities Commission is also in agreement but points out that efforts should be made to encourage applicants from all racial backgrounds if the scheme is to have credibility. It also said that the extra expense incurred due to the increased ink requirement should be fully funded, 'we do not expect the new officers to look like a bunch of whiteys, full colour should be the only option'
Boris Johnson's office described the proposal as a prank, 'who is going to believe the new officers are real? They just sit around in cars all day'.
In response to these criticisms the Think Tank has pointed out that the proposals merely represent the first wave of ideas.Plans are on the stocks for animatic models, designed to be employed in particularly hostile environments. These will be designed to employ 'gestural responses' from the head and upper limbs with a voice box programmed for each particular crime scene. A pilot scheme is planned for Wapping. Verbal responses are to include, 'final offer, fifty grand'. These models also have a special feature allowing the eyes to be averted and then closed.
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Think Tank answers problem of Police numbers
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offlineMemberPosted 1 year ago # -
dvo4fun
offlineMemberI like this one. Is it in respone to a genuine news item? We've had cardboard coppers strategically placed in petrol stations for some time in sunny Thames Valley
Maybe the Mayor's office para. needs to i.d. which Mayor. And would the quote therein need a question mark?
Stars
Posted 1 year ago # -
I like this too
Posted 1 year ago #
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