Rumours that shadow chancellor Ed Balls retaliated against Tory critics of his 'fag-packet' economic policies by leaving deathcards on ministerial car windscreens, were firmly rebutted yesterday. A clearly furious Mr Balls shouted down journalists at a party rally saying 'Utter crap, I'll be referring these preposterous claims to the SSS' (socialist security services) before storming out of the meeting.
Labour press spokesman Erich Schmeisser denied Mr Balls had been acting in accordance with party orders but confirmed 'high command will rigorously investigate, of course'.
Notorious as the ace of spades calling card left on the dead bodies of vietcong soldiers by US infantry, the deathcard (inset) was employed by military 'psy-op' campaigns to inspire fear in the enemy.