Following Dr David Starkey's declaration on Newsnight that the white population from Tottenham to Clapham has now "integrated into the pervasive black Gangsta culture" we learn that the Welsh Language Society - with its long experience of protest campaigns - has been advising this community on how to have Gangsta recognised as an official language by the UK and EU authorities.
The initial aim of the campaign is to make it compulsory for public sector documents such as council tax demands, voting cards, and benefit forms to be made available in Gangsta as well as English, to be followed by bilingual utility bills and eventually all forms of written communication, including street signage. Official Gangsta interpreters will be used in court proceedings. Schools will be able to choose whether to impart education wholly in Gangsta or in English. Those that choose to teach in English will be obliged to offer GCSEs in Gangsta As A Second Language to all pupils.
A side effect of this policy will be to create a large number of rewarding jobs for currently unemployed black youth as Gangsta translators and interpreters, thus reducing social inequality (and benefit costs) in the affected area.
The area in which these measures are to be established runs from Haringey, including Tottenham, in the north through Hackney to Tower Hamlets and then crosses the Thames to Lewisham, Southwark and Lambeth, taking in Peckham, Brixton and Clapham. This is a connected area with a population of more than 1,400,000 - double the number of Welsh speakers in the UK, and greater than the population of four EU countries. As a large community of the UK with its own entrenched Gangsta language and culture it is clearly a prime candidate for devolution. Details are not yet clear, but the new Autonomous Region could be called Gangstaland, or possibly Gangstaria (perhaps becoming a principality if Harry were to be named Prince of Gangstaria). The Gangsta Assembly Government would probably choose to establish a capital in Lambeth, with its cathedral and proximity to the Westminster Government, and the elevated poverty indices in Gangstaria would result in its receiving enormous transfers of income from Westminster under the Barnett formula, leading to free university education and prescriptions for all.
Finally the Society notes that something under 0.0001% of BBC Radio's output is currently in Gangsta, with a similar figure for television. A major campaign is therefore to be mounted to obtain an independent Gangsta television channel, to be called C4G. Since unlike the Welsh speaking channel S4C the new Gangsta channel will serve a large population and be inherently cool in its content, it is highly likely to be profitable and will thus not experience the financial problems that have bedevilled S4C since its inception.