Editors, journalists and staff at the Daily Mail were celebrating today, as Editor-in-chief Paul Dacre showed off the quality of doublethink now available at the paper.
"Simultaneously calling for someone to be recognised as a have-a-go hero and total scum who should be thrown off a ferry mid-channel is difficult, but we've done it here today" he said, holding up a copy of today's issue.
Dacre was referring to the asylum-seeking, benefit-claiming waste-of-oxygen Valentine Simatchenko, who attempted to trip a knife-man at the Notting Hill Carnival on Monday, and should be given a medal for showing the police how to do their jobs.
"This man shows everyone how we in Britain should live today, and should be removed immediately", said Sam Greenhill, author of the article lauding Mr Simatchenko. "He is a victim of the wars in Chechnya between the Russkies and the Moslems, both of whom this paper has a history of opposing, and is welcome to come to this country and bring a touch of bravery and civic duty with him"
"I totally agree", added Dacre, "he is welcome to leave this country and go back where he came from. He is a drain on this country's meagre resources, and we don't need him and his kind here"
"You see", he concluded, "this really shows the power of this country and the Daily Mail in particular - Orwell would be proud of us. This sort of thing is just what he wanted."