BBC Economics Editor Stephanie Flanders was discovered by Police Officers early today in the closet of Robert Peston’s Blackpool holiday villa. Flanders was checked over by medics after being rescued by Lancashire Officers in a dawn raid. A statement released on behalf of Ms Flanders has confirmed that her injuries are no more serious than severe ear ache; it is not known at this stage if this was inflicted by listening to Peston’s erratic, incomprehensible ramblings.
Peston began work at the BBC after he was mistakenly interviewed on News24. While waiting in reception to deliver an order of paperclips a baffled Preston was led into the studio and asked about the future of Northern Rock, which was at the time a solid financial institution. Peston’s prediction that the bank would collapse saw panicked savers queuing in high streets all over Britain to withdraw their funds. When this did indeed lead to the Bank’s collapse Peston was employed full-time as the BBC’s Business Editor and is widely credited with causing the worldwide financial crisis. When asked in a recent interview if he was adequately qualified to report on economic issues Peston replied: “Gordon Brown was an economist and he made a right-royal mess of things, so I believe that ignorance is my best asset.”
Many viewers have been questioning for some time now why the 51 year old ‘business buffoon’ has been reporting on the economy. A BBC chief told Points of View “every time we call Stephanie’s mobile, Robert turns up. We haven’t been able to contact her for months now.”
Neighbours in Blackpool report that as a power-crazed Peston was led away from the crime scene he shouted “I caused this crisis, if you lock me up then all you scrounging scum risk getting jobs!”