The Metropolitan Police are hunting for a Dalek in connection with a bungled raid that took place on a post office in Peckham earlier today.
The failed robbery happened in broad daylight on the busy High Rd and shoppers were said to be traumatised by the event. Have-a-go-hero, plucky pensioner Albert Henry, describes what happened next.
"I was in there gettin' me pension and then I was going to go on to the butchers to get a nice sirloin for me tea and that. See, I likes a bit of red meat of a Wednesday. Anyway blow me, next fing like, in trundles this robot matey and it goes up to the counter.
It says to the girl behind the window, "Put-the-money-in-the-bag-darlin-and-nobody-will-get-hurt," sort of all mechanical like. Well I weren't having that I was a Desert Rat. So I goes up to remonstrate wif it but it starts giving it all this old "Exterminate-exterminate!" malarkey. So I says to it, "Fak off you tin bastard or I’ll knock your bleedin ‘ead off."
Well it kinda waggled this fing on its 'ead at me then bleeped and buzzed a bit before we had something of a set-to. During the tussle I broke its arm off when at that point it's shouted out, "Boll-ocks!-it's-all-come-on-top," and scarpered like."
Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, released the following statement.
"I yi yi yi yi yi yi yi yi! Albert's a real trooper and I wish there were more like him. He will be guest of honour at a gala lunch next week when we will also be awarding him a good citizen medal and a year's supply of Findus Crispy Pancakes."
Detective Constable Jim Finch of Peckham CID had this warning for the public.
"If members of the public spot the Dalek we urge that they keep well clear. It's wounded and by now most probably desperate. The safest course of action is to call Peckham CID and let us deal with it."