"Junior aspirin" a low-dose aspirin table designed to make children think they were taking the same adult drugs, as enjoyed by their parents in the 1960s, 70s and early to mid 80s, was banned following the decision in 1986 that the drug was only safe for chilren over the age of 12.
Now Pfizer, an international pharaceutical company has launched "Junior Methadone", a low-dose heroin substitute to make today's children embrace the drug culture which exists around their own parents and hangers-on.
Julian Farmer, executive director of recreation substance abuse at Pfizer confirmed that "Junior Methadone is an important factor in aligning values and returning the communal sharing of injectible needles to the heart of today's drug-dependent tribes, or at least a major artery."
"With many drug-dependent parents making hollow promises to make sure that 'Tristram doesn't end up like me' Pfizer hopes that the new drug can reduce the social stigma that exists within families, thus giving parents and children alike a way-out of the flawed 'I don't take drugs connundrun' which just splits families apart, at least when social services and the Police become involved and the videos are published on YouTube"
"Methadone is a lower risk and less addictive substance than heroin and it clearly helps us to achive our corporate social responsibilty objectives, but if it doesn't have the kick the kids need then we can refer them to "Big Al" who can let them have some 'Junior crack cocaine and spliffs' on the proviso they are able to make the required weekly payments and become either rent boys or prostitutes."
