Up until the age of about four most of us only had to hear the word 'poo' to be entirely consumed by mirth. But after that what was the gag that you always found funny?
This is mine:
What's black, white and red all over?
A zebra with chicken pox.
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What was your favourite childhood joke?
(43 posts) (25 voices)
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wallster
offlineMemberNot sure about kids jokes, far too long ago; but by the time I hit my teens most of my favourite jokes were incredibly tasteless. But possibly the least offensive of all was:
Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because he still had his knob up the chicken.I never tired of telling that one. You can probably imagine how unsavoury the rest were.
Posted 1 year ago # -
The All New Jeni B
onlineMemberWhy did the elephant cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
Tells you a lot about my level of humour, then and now.
Posted 1 year ago # -
An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman found a magic slide. Whatever you said as you slid down you landed in at the bottom. The Englishman went first and said 'gold!', then the Scotsman 'silver!'. Then the Irishman slid down and said 'weeeeeeeeeeeeee!'.
More recently I'm like wallster's teen phase, leaning towards being incredibly tasteless. In fact, I'll trade you some tasteless jokes on PM if you want wallster?
Posted 1 year ago # -
simonjmr
offlineMemberTwo budgies on a perch, one turns to the other and says "can you smell fish?"
Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says "can you drive this thing?"
Two nuns on a tandem going down a cobbled street the one at the front asks "Do you often come this way?"
Jesus walks into a hotel, slaps down a bag of nails and says "can you put me up for the night?"
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot
Posted 1 year ago # -
beau-jolly
offlineMemberWhen my youngest was little we told her the interupting cow joke. She laughted like a drain and then spent the next 3 days coming up with slight variations. Still makes me chuckle.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interupting cow.
Interupting c....
MOOOOO!Posted 1 year ago # -
Oxbridge
offlineMemberWhat's white and crawls up your leg?
Homesick sh*t.Made me giggle when Andrew Brown told me it at St John the Baptist Junior School in about 1972 and still does. He was later apparently cashiered out of the army for threatening his commanding officer with a gun.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Here's one we used to like to say to the girls at school:
Young Button: "I dreamt about you last night"
Lovely lady: "Did you..?"
Young Button: "No, you wouldn't let me"And another cracker from the playround:
Young Button "Have you ever been caught sniffing your mum's knickers?"
Unsuspecting victim "NO"
Young Button "You must be good at it then!"Posted 1 year ago # -
andhrimnir
offlineMemberThree chaps captured by natives
ramble ramble
given the choice of firing squad or "mawumba"
first chap asks what "mawumba" is - ramble ramble and so chooses firing squad over a good rogering
second chap etc etc
third chap decides that "mawumba" can't be that bad and given his mates are now dead nobody will ever know ramble ramble
....and the chief stands up and pronounces "Death by Mawumba".Posted 1 year ago # -
The All New Jeni B
onlineMemberI've been offered 8 legs of venison for £20.
Is that too dear?What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eyedeerWhat do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eyedeer.Posted 1 year ago # -
fernandomando
offlineMemberI have always been an admirer of a slightly surreal absurd style of humour that could be both inane and magnificently funny, depending on the audience. I made up a joke when I was about 9:
Why wouldn't the gate open?
Because Farmer Giles's head was cut off.Posted 1 year ago # -
fernandomando
offlineMemberAnother joke I remember was the very contrived voice operated motorbike that had the unwise controls of 'shit' to brake, and 'fucking hell, that was close' to accelerate. From such a desperate premise, the joke wrote itself. The middle aged man, in the midst of a mid life crisis would go riding his machine with stupid voice controls, only to forget himself, panic, brake inadvertently and just in time, and then provide an expletive filled commentary of his near death escape that sadly caused the motorbike to accelerate wildly over the edge of the cliff.
Looking back, the choice of acceleration phrase was unrealistic, and was no more than an extremely poor attempt to set up the punchline from the beginning. But we were children and swear words were cool.
Posted 1 year ago # -
charlies_hat
offlineMemberFavourites of mine (and recently passed down from Father to Son as part of traditional ceremony) :
Knock knock - who's there? - I dunnup.....
Why do girls wear make up and perfume? - because they're ugly and they smell.
Posted 1 year ago # -
fernandomando
offlineMemberWhat's the difference between an elephant's backside and a postbox?
I don't know.
That's the last time I send you to post my mail.What's the difference between an elephant's backside and a postbox?
I don't know.
That's the last time I send you to put letters in an elephant's backside.Posted 1 year ago # -
The All New Jeni B
onlineMemberWhat do you call a blind dinosaur?
A Doyouthinkhesaurus.
Posted 1 year ago # -
charlies_hat
offlineMemberActually - looking at the start of this string - most of us are still at the giggling at the word "poo" stage aren't we?
(poo and wee in one sentence - I thank you).
Posted 1 year ago # -
thisisall1word
offlineMemberwhat did the pervy male cateripller say to the lovely lady caterpiller that walked past him?
There goes a lovely pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of leg, pair of legs, pair of leg, pair of legs, pair of leg, etc...From (I think) the awesome Ha Ha Bonk joke book;
http://www.penguin.co.uk/nf/Book/BookDisplay/0,,9780140314120,00.htmlHow many people had that and how many still use it as source material for this site?
Posted 1 year ago #
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