Popular car insurance comparison website gocompare.com are set to cease all forms of advertising with immediate effect. The move comes after independent market research showed that they have now successfully achieved their ultimate goal of irritating the fucking life out of every man, woman and child in the UK with their relentlessly infuriating campaigns.
The person behind the adverts, Marketing Director Ed Baldwin, is an irksome little prick of a man. Ed set out to expand on his own personal talents of annoying the tits off anybody he meets, and is unfathomably proud of his achievement.
‘We knew we were getting close to having the entire nation despise us, but couldn’t afford to be complacent.’ He said, in a whiny, nasal voice that sets your teeth on edge from the first syllable ‘We had researchers on public transport confirm that they would often hear people hum part of the tune from the ad to themselves, before realising what they had done and experiencing an overwhelming sense of self-loathing, while fellow passengers glared at them with pure hatred in their eyes.’
The moment of triumph is believed to have come when Mr Baldwin received a concerned letter from a parent whose 10 month old son had uttered his first words during an advert for the website, of ‘Turn this shite off will you? For fuck’s sake.’.
When telling of the company having reached their goal, Ed leaned back in his chair with a smug grin on his face and simply said ‘Mission accomplished.’ Before being mysteriously hit full in the face with a fire extinguisher.