The Slow Food Movement is facing a challenge from an apparent breakaway movement, whose leader works behind the bar at Ye Olde Gastro Pub, in Kingston on Thames.
Whereas The Slow Food Movement aims to remind people of the pleasures of eating and revive local food traditions, the Fucking Slow Food Movement (FSFM) has a simpler objective: to make people appreciate anything they can get.
'Keep the twats waiting' said Micheal Keating, founder of the SFFM, 'if you make them wait long enough, they'll be glad of a cold snackpoint and a turkey twizzler.'
Keating is anxious to revive old customs, that date back as far as the 1970s. Each person behind the bar is delegated a specialised role, which must be rigidly adhered to. 'The other day, someone asked one of my colleagues for an orange juice. She told him no, she wasn't bar trained, so he'd just have to wait until the barman came back from his break' he said proudly, 'that brought a tear to my eye.'
With catch-phrases like 'It's not my job mate', 'can I finish stacking these glasses' and 'Hello? Chiefs do get hangovers you know!' Keating aims to cash in on the 70s nostalgia boom without doing too much work.
"The Fucking Slow Food Movemement aims to provide a mix of low quality service and high mortality food-stuffs," he said.