Following an emergency debate in the House of Commons, David Cameron today announced that, in conjunction with the deployment of anti-riot water canons, police will be issued with super soaker water pistols as an extra weapon in their public order armoury.
‘Heavy anti-riot artillery, such as the water canon, is a blunt sword,’ said Mr Cameron, ‘Such a weapon is important in the preservation or public order, but is useless without individual policemen being able to engage on a more localised level. Now that we have authorised the deployment of the water canon, we must also authorise the micro-artillery of the super soaker ant-riot personal attack weapon, a device of proven effectiveness and surgical precision.’
Riot police will be able to use their pump action water pistols to take on individual rioters in the midst of heated frenzy. With increased accuracy, range, and longevity these high powered weapons replace the standard luminous yellow digital pump pistol that proved largely ineffective in Tottenham, Croydon and Manchester.
Police have welcomed the announcement. The Association of Chief Police Officers issued the following statement, ‘We welcome the government’s authorisation of these weapons. We have been asking for garishly coloured, pump action, high pressure water dispensers for some time. We are sure that those involved in looting, riot, and violence will think again if faced with the prospect of getting a humiliating soaking. We only wish that Mr Cameron would also authorise Non-Expanding Recreational Foam guns too.’