Today, it can be exclusively revealed that Rupert Murdoch is the man behind the riots which have taken place across England in the last week.
In an ironic twist to the scandal it has been exposed that Channel 4’s Phonehacker was commissioned by an unknown source to spy on Rupert Murdoch. The investigations uncovered that Rupert has been visiting vulnerable youths, in the poorest areas of London, paying them cash to start riots and initiate looting.
Once he had paid a few kids and got the ball rolling, he realised that he didn’t even need to visit or compensate them anymore. Rupert set up several Twitter accounts and Facebook events inviting individuals 'with a really IQ' to join in the copycat looting. One such event invited scumbags to “cum an' burn down dat shop where da rich spend money – Poundland”.
It can also be revealed that the infamous picture of a looter proudly showing off his stolen Tesco Value basmati rice is Rupert Murdoch himself, said to be having a little fun and seeing just how far he could push it.
Murdoch has confessed to starting this atrocity in an attempt to take the news spotlight away from the phone hacking scandal. He was hoping the British Government and media would stop focussing on him, allowing his quest to take over the Universe to continue uninterrupted.