The Met Office in conjunction with people who do this kind of thing are to launch the first forecasts for riot conditions throughout the UK .
Since the initial outbreak of violent disorder, experts have worked around the clock to ensure detailed predictions of aggro, while computer models have been adapted to cope with the winds whipped up by huge firestorms.
The UK’s first full-scale ‘riotcast’ for the UK and Northern Ireland is set to be broadcast this evening after Darren Bett presents the weather.
However, an experimental pilot forecast for the Midlands, which predicted an attack on a branch of McDonalds in West Bromwich, was panned after local youths targeted three Audis and a T-reg Peugot 306 instead.
McDonalds Manager, Dave Fielding, said,
“It's just bloody typical. Thanks to them I closed up early and had to offload three hundred happy meals into a skip as a result. Meanwhile, my store remains largely intact with a total lack of fire damage and/or injured or bleeding customers.”
Pulling his scarf up around his face and wielding a machete, Fielding added,
“Believe you me, some bastard is going to pay for this.”
But experts last night stressed that trying to pinpoint where an angry mob of hooded youths would attempt to decapitate a police constable and mount his head on a pole is far from being an exact science.
Earlier, senior forecaster, Rob McElwee, gave a hint of today’s forecast:
“We are expecting similar conditions to those experienced last night with some light to moderate rioting spreading up from the Midlands, expected to reach northern areas around tea-time. The south should remain relatively free from anarchy. ”
“Temperatures on the whole similar to those in Miss Selfridges on Deansgate yesterday with the Arndale Centre expected to reach a sizzling fifteen hundred degrees Celsius later on this evening.”
“Not at all bad for this time of year.”