The Metropolitan Police’s Acting Commissioner Tim Godwin has announced today that the force’s latest recruit, RoboCop, will be sent into action immediately with his first duty being to bring the riots spreading across London under control.
RoboCop, also known as Alex Murphy, has been working as a traffic warden in Basildon since the liquidation of Detroit-based OCP in the early 90s, but has always been keen to get back into policing. The Met had kept his CV on file after he applied for an admin role in 2004. His subsequent rejection for that position led to a bitter lawsuit and an IPCC inquiry into allegations that discrimination against humanoid cyborgs was rife within the force.
Mr Godwin is adamant that those differences are behind them and that RoboCop is the perfect appointment to serve the public trust and protect the innocent whilst upholding the law.
‘Murphy was overqualified for the position he applied for previously. We felt that his particular approach didn’t really fit with the data entry role and that was why he was turned down, we have discussed this at length and he is happy that it was nothing personal.’
He then continued ‘His track record of dealing swiftly and effectively with large criminal gangs speaks for itself and we can’t wait for him to get to work. I have assured him that whilst there is a minor risk of large industrial electro-magnets in the dockyard areas of London there are no giant robotic ED-209 style rioters, and that the whole force will be right behind him and his efforts. Directly behind him in fact, so anything thrown hits him first. The guy’s pretty much bulletproof after all. Apart from his exposed jaw and neck but who’s going to be stupid enough to shoot at a medium sized area like that?’
The move has the full support of the government and both David Cameron and Nick Clegg, in a show of unity, issued a statement confirming that the Met were acting with their full backing and they wholly approved of the decision. Not everybody is convinced however, and Labour leader Ed Milliband has strongly criticised the move.
‘This shows just how out of touch the coalition are with the man in the street, with a stolen laptop under his arm. As my personal assistant, mild mannered Bruce Wayne keeps reminding me, this is clearly the job for a troubled, brooding, somewhat dark, knight-like sort of character, not some late 80s human robotic hybrid whose main experience is tackling poorly animated foes.’
Mr Milliband also expressed concerns that even if RoboCop is a success initially, it could lead to several future deployments, each being slightly more tedious than the last.