Thousands of British tourists are stranded overseas as a result of the Icelandic volcano, including large numbers of stag parties in the Balearic Islands. Although most had only planned to stay for a one week bender of booze and bottling complete strangers, they have been delayed on their return to the UK and supplies of "Muppets up for a bit of a rumble" are running low.
The Royal Navy have urgently deployed 3 warships to the Islands taking vital aid in the form of 500 Millwall Fans, 250 unemployed Liverpool teenagers and Naomi Campbell. The stranded partygoers are considering claiming compensation from the airlines and many are turning to Scottish firm "Glasgow Kiss", famed for their slogan "where there's blame, there's a decent slap to be had".