Riot Police in London are breathing a collective sigh of relief today after receiving word of the return to UK of Mayor of London Boris Johnson and Prime Minister David Cameron.
Territorial Support Group officer PC Jane Fellows told reporters: “The lads and lasses on the front line are going to be made up when they get the news. Obviously we’re a bit out of the loop. Some of the guys have been on the street for the last few days getting petrol bombs lobbed at them; but everyone’s been saying, ‘I hope Boris and Dave cut their holidays short and lend a hand, or we’re up shit creek here.”
Support for the move has been echoed by voices from higher in the ranks too. Met Commander Paul Price said: “Obviously we didn’t want to say anything, but none of us top-brass has got a bastard clue what we’re doing.
“I was a Community Support Officer a fortnight ago and Chief Superintendent Hughes from Lewisham used to valet the squad cars. But everyone who had lunch with a News of the World employee had to resign; so, here we are.
“Things were getting a bit tense at The Yard because people weren’t sure what to do next- personally, I was spending a lot of my time polishing the buttons on my uniform until I found out we've got someone to do that for us- but now we’ve heard that a Weetabix haired Bulligdon Club member who once stopped a gang of school girls from mugging someone by calling them a bunch of ‘Oiks’ is taking charge, well, I can stop going to the toilets to have a little cry now.”
The decision by the Mayor and the Prime Minister comes in the wake of the early return of Home Secretary Theresa May, who was last seen leading a baton charge on the Tottenham Court Road.