Sexy, flame haired, femme fatale Rebekah Brooks is to star as a modern day Rebecca in an updated film version of the classic Daphne Du Maurier melodrama.
The blockbuster movie, Last Night I Went To Wapping Again, will be directed by talented neighbour Guy Ritchie.
The tragic story charts the dramatic rise of a tasty bit of crumpet through the ranks of English society.
After a brief marriage to a useless bald actor, Rebekah, a flawed Medusa with the bedraggled looks of a fit Pre-Raphaelite wench, is seen to endure the sweaty attentions of a load of Old Etonian donuts, useless planks of Prime Ministers and inbred public school plonkers.
The pacey plot races to a tragic finale when the plucky heroine, equipped with a well tidy figure and mesmerising mince pies, embarks on a fatal liaison with a wealthy, twisted old coffin dodger who lives in a whopping mansion and was driven mental by a previous 'her indoors'.
Last Night I Went To Wapping Again will feature a noisy soundtrack by Urban Myth and has been heralded by some geezer in The Sun as: "a cross between Jane Eyre and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, with a bit of Fanny Hill slung in."