Tottenham boss, Harry Redknapp is said to be 'Over the moon' with his team's confident start to the new riot season.
Despite a stiff defence by the Metropolitan Police, the Spurs squad were able to take up a firm attacking position outside Barclays Bank early in the first half.
Met boss, Chief Inspector Grimly said 'It was a tough game, you know, the boys done alright. We were on the back foot a bit at the start, but we rallied towards half time and managed to push back into their half of the High Street. But it was hard, the Tottenham lads were on fire. Unfortunately so were several of our squad cars'.
Redknapp discussed tactics throughout with his backroom team, and decided to bring on the burning wheelybins just before the break. 'It's important that we bed in the new players early in the season' said the manager. 'That's why we chose to introduce the urban artillery at an early stage, let them get their eye in.'
In the second half, Redknapp tried out several hundred of his new young signings while England manager Fabio Capello watched with interest from the top floor of Palazzo. 'Da way-a da world financial situation ees a-going, ees-a vital that-a we getta-da best-a team together for next-a year's World anti Capitalist-a riots.' Said the crazy Italian. 'Some of these a-boys are very strong-a possibilities, and we may try-adem out-a in the under 21s a-looting championships next-a month.'
However the final score didn't fully reflect the flow of the riot as the Met put in a valiant performance right at the end. That coupled with Redknapp's decision to stick Crouch on with 10 minutes to go saw the end of Tottenham's chances of ransacking John Lewis and with it, any hope of securing any silverware this season.