There were red faces at the Daily Mail today, after George Michael was announced as the winner of their 'dream cottage' competition. What started as a minor disagreement rapidly escalated into a legal dispute with both side calling on polari experts to act as witnesses.
"George was really excited to win the competition, he loves his cottage dreams" explained a lawyer for the popstar. "In fact, he's made detailed notes. Many of which he maintains are now legally binding."
Michael claims his dream cottage is a south-facing property within a park or heath, with adequate parking and somewhere to crash. He pictures a row of small rooms for anonymous guests, with ensuite toilets and somewhere to hang out. His taste in interiors is fairly traditional with an eastern influence, as his lawyer explained: "George's dream cottage experience needs to be heavily stoned or nicely caned, with somewhere to powder his nose."
The dispute has caused embarrassment for both parties. George Michael has apologised profusely to his fans for buying the paper, although he has admitted popping out for a male on Sunday before. But the paper itself has issued a full-page apology to its readers, many of whom have cancelled their subscriptions after finding out a homosexual might have read it.
Legal advisors for the paper hope to reach a deal with the singer, by offering to buy him the country's oldest public lavatory instead: "We've offered to meet him at the earliest convenience."