As the summer progresses, more and more wasps are starting to emerge from their nests in search of food, leading to the annual question from frustrated wasps of ‘What exactly is the point of people? Do they contribute anything to the world or are they just a bloody nuisance?’.
Despite conceding that humans can be quite helpful due to their tendencies to congregate around sugary foodstuffs, wasps are constantly frustrated by the habit people have of launching unprovoked assaults on their nests and also building invisible barriers that they often bash their heads against.
‘They make these huge nests out of bricks, so you know not to fly into the walls, but there is a convenient big square gap in it to let you get through, you aim for that and all of a sudden wham! You’re on the floor and you don’t know what’s happened.’ Said one wasp ‘All we want to do is get on with our lives nice and quietly, but they won’t leave us alone. My mum set up a nice new home for me and my 300 brothers, we’d only been there a couple of weeks and along came one of them and destroyed our house. We were just minding our own business so what had we done to deserve that?’
Many wasps have also expressed their bewilderment at the habit people have of bringing tasty, sugary food out on a sunny day, conveniently laying it all out on a table or a mat as some kind of all you can eat buffet for wasps, then getting upset when they try to settle down to eat.
‘You find yourself a nice jam sandwich, being held at a convenient height for you, and the next thing you know some bloody person is moving it out of the way, waving it around with arms flailing all over the place, you chase after it and they try to hit you with a magazine. So you sting them as a little hint that you’d like them to fuck off and leave you to your sandwich, and the next thing you know they’ve taken their shoe off and are hopping around trying to hit you with that.’
‘What’s the point of them anyway, do they actually do anything useful? Do they pollinate flowers? Or am I getting them confused with bees?’