Leading Tea Party activist Randy Shitforbrains was last night sensationally expelled from the movement.
In a statement, a spokesman said Shitforbrains had been seen reading some writing he found on a wall. When challenged by a local Starbucks employee, he remained awake and said “my, that coffee smells real nice.”
“Being able to read writing on a wall, stay awake and smell the coffee all at the same time proves the man’s a dirty communist,” said the Tea Party spokesman.
Mr Shitforbrains said he was disappointed at the decision: “I tried to explain that I’m a selfish greedy ignorant racist bigot an’all,” he said, “but they just wouldn’t listen. I guess they’re quite good at not listening.”
Mr Shitforbrains said he planned to read up on recent economic history so he could convince fellow activists he should be allowed to rejoin the movement.
“But when I asked Michelle Bachmann to explain the economic sense of calling for tax cuts and deficit reduction at the same time, she just sang ‘la la la la la’ and threw a copy of the New American Bible For Simpletons at me.”
Ms Bachmann said Mr Shitforbrains had forgotten the Tea Party is rooted deep in proud American tradition: the exploitation of frustrated, desperate, and susceptible people by monied interests and profiteers.
She said: “This is what made America great! Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. Give me them so I can rip them off for every cent they possess and leave them starving in a gutter full of toxic chemicals belched from the factories and supercars of the untaxed rich.”
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Tea Party expels activist found awake, smelling coffee, reading writing on wall
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offlineMemberPosted 1 year ago #
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