Performers and fans alike are celebrating today after a nationwide poll officially named rock ‘n’ roll as the new rock ‘n’ roll.
Rock ‘n’ roll was knocked from its 50 year place in pole position by Comedy, which was proclaimed the new rock ‘n’ roll in the early 1990’s after years of touring the stand-up circuit. However comedy proved unable to capitalise on its new role as über -cool zeitgeist and lost out to a succession of other contenders. Cookery, interior design, Crazy Frog and eating testicles in a jungle all briefly held the number one spot.
According to experts such as NME editor Skinz Robertson, the late resurgence of rock ‘n’ roll is a response to what is perceived to be a nadir in popular cultural phenomenon. ‘To my mind the rot started when Brian Cox stepped away from his keyboard and started mucking around with quarks and stuff. Once particle physics became the new ‘n’ roll I think the nation woke up and realised we had reached the bottom of the barrel. Particle bloody physics! I mean come on!’
Music icon and early rock ‘n’ roll proponent Joe Brown has urged fans against complacency now their favourite genre is back at the top of the hit parade: ‘we can’t rest on our laurels guys or something else will come along to knock us off our perch. If you kids don’t keep this wagon rolling then suddenly carp fishing, needlepoint, yogurt or whatever will become the new rock ‘n’ roll and we’ll be left with an old pair of brothel creepers, a silly haircut and poor hearing.’
However in the main, rock legends from across Britain have enthusiastically welcomed the result: ‘this is fantastic news,’ said Rolling Stones front-man Mick Jagger. ‘It’s like rock ‘n’ roll has come home to roost and reclaim its position as the raw, edgy and innovative art form that it once was. Plus it's a great excuse to drink, take drugs and sleep around without looking like sad old farts desperate to relive our youth – by the way, what's Marianne Faithfull up to nowadays?'