The Government announced today that people who wear T-shirts adorned with the image of Argentinean rabble-rouser Ernesto‘Che’Guevara will be compelled, by law, to attend a ‘re-education‘ intervention programme in the hope that they will realise why their choice of apparel is as irritating to the rest of us as suffering from intermittent anal leakage.
A spokesperson for the Ministry of Justice said of the move: “Before we enact more punitive measures, we want to give the offenders chance to discover why their behaviour is so annoying. To do this, we will introduce a legal requirement for them to attend a suitable rehabilitation programme. Focusing on basic history and the concept of irony, the course will address the key thinking deficits affecting these offenders.
“Following initial screenings, participants will be graded according to their level of ignorance and enrolled at the appropriate programme juncture. ‘Grade A’ dullards- people who will most likely believe that Guevara was an ethnic looking rock singer from ‘before their time’ who had a penchant for Frank Spencer inspired headwear- will be started at the beginning of the course. Introductory modules will include: ‘Communism for beginners’ and ‘Who was that beardy guy anyway?’
“Participants found to be slightly more informed, wearing the garment to show solidarity with socialist causes, will be entered later in the course and mainly taught the definition of the word irony; and how Guevara, if still living, would be about as impressed with their decision to display his image on a sweat-shop produced T-shirt as a resurrected Mahatma Ghandi would be if he discovered that a likeness of his face had been spray painted onto the side of a ballistic missile, above the words ‘I like war and killing Indians,’ that was then launched onto a Mumbai orphanage.
“Finally, those who claim to be aware of the irony involved, and dress in the T-shirt as a post-modernist statement, will be spared the programme requirement. Instead, they will have the offending item ripped from their backs, get kicked balls with a Doc Marten boot and then ordered to sign the Pretentious Smartarse Register for the next ten years.
“After completing the programme, participants who have not changed their opinions will be treated to the same fate as befell Cuban political dissidents at the hands of Guevara and summarily executed by firing squad.”