England cricketer Ian Bell will not be allowed back in to his local Indian restaurant following an unfortunate incident last night. He was ordered out of the Taj Mahal restaurant in Dudley, West Midlands while celebrating England’s latest Test win. The Management claim that he wandered away from his table and rudely demanded his meal but Mr Bell states that he thought someone had called him over.
“All I wanted was my tea,” Mr. Bell said afterwards, “So I set off in search of it. My colleagues urged me back but I was absolutely starving. I was very shocked to be told to get out.”
Mr Bell was also accused of gloating loudly about having had more runs than even the hottest Phall could give him, making the staff very keen to see the back of him. When the opportunity to dismiss him arose, they took it.
Mr M.D. Singh, who runs the restaurant, defended the action. “Mr. Bell was technically in the wrong and we were completely within our rights to ask him to leave,” he said. “For us, ‘out’ means ‘out and stay out’ and after Mr Bell’s behaviour, we were in no mood to reconsider, despite protestations from his fellow diners Mr Fletcher and Mr Strauss.”
An England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) spokesman expressed his disappointment, explaining “Getting pissed and loudly abusing foreigners from Her Majesty’s Commonwealth is part of the foundation on which cricket is based. When will they ever learn about the spirit of the game?”
(reworked version of rather rushed submission yesterday - any better?)