British businesses are wasting a massive opportunity to pester a key demographic with advertising messages - even though their target audience is at its most vulnerable. This tragic waste could be costing UKPLC billions of pounds in lost revenue. Now Advertoilet, a new breakthrough in on-the-throne technology, could help monetise our movements, and kick start Britain's economy in the process.
Busy ABC1s are still wasting at least fifteen minutes a day avoiding marketing messages, according to research. Many are happy to let their mind wander and devote no time to aspirational purchases, says the study. Some told researchers they have a crafty cigarette. Others read novels. Some squeeze blackheads out of their thighs. In total, an astonishing nine of out ten admitted they don't look at any advertising or marketing messages when they're in the small room.
Research shows that when people are sitting alone, with their pants round their ankles, they are at their most vulnerable. A perfect opportunity, in other words, for an invasive campaign of aggressive marketing. But tragically, Britain's businesses have failed to grasp the opportunity. And now they're in danger of losing out to their european competitors.
The launch of the Advertoilet could change all that. Special seat sensors weigh the target audience and plays a series of appropriate messages. "You look like you could lose some weight," it begins, "have you considered Ryvita?"