The government’s plans to deliver high-speed musicals between London and Birmingham have been dealt a severe blow.
The results of a public consultation show that only 3% of people living next to the proposed route approve of the high-camp toothy song and dance routines.
A spokesperson for the Department of Musical Transport said “British musicals have been declining for decades now – since the glory years of, ooh, you know… Cats. Phantom. And Les Miserables, that was a wonderful example of Franco-British musical harmony.”
“But if you look at the infrastructure currently clogging up our country’s theatres, well, it’s all Rod Stewart and We Will Rock You. We are being overtaken by foreign innovations such as Glee, Moulin Rouge and Chicago.”
John Graham, whose house in Buckinghamshire overlooks the proposed project, said: “I mean, I like musicals occasionally. But frankly, would you want the noise and inconvenience of a constant stream of teenagers falling in love and singing about it in your back garden? I think not.”