It has been said that everybody remembers the day that a dog ran into their school. That's certainly true for pupils at St Peter's primary school in Coventry, because little Jimmy Morris set fire to it.
This was just the latest in an ever growing list of incidents involving the 11 year old. At the age of 4 he was hailed as a child prodigy after rigging up an elaborate trap which left the neighbour’s cat hanging by its tail from a tree. When he was 6 only a last minute intervention from his father stopped him from attempting to create a rabbit/hamster hybrid creature which he had dubbed a ‘ramster’, by placing the 2 family pets in a blender. His increasingly erratic behaviour at school led to interest from many child psychologists eager to diagnose the problem.
‘We were constantly being contacted by people wanting to diagnose him with ADD or ADHD, or whatever the current excuse was for kids being disruptive little sods’ said his 26 year old father, John Morris ‘Various people did all sorts of tests but none of them found anything conclusive, it came back to what we’d been saying all along, he’s just an evil little shit.’
Experts are baffled by the failure to find a viable excuse for Jimmy’s behaviour and are frantically attempting to come up with new conditions that could possibly take all blame away from the child or his parents. His father though has had enough of the constant testing and is refusing to submit him to new tests aimed at diagnosing him with a brand new Setting Fire to Things, Torturing Animals and Generally Being an Utter Little Bastard Syndrome (SFTTAGBULBS) which had been developed especially for Jimmy by a leading child psychologist.
‘There’s no point wasting time with any more tests, there's nothing medically or psychologically wrong with him, he just hasn't been brought up very well. He's never been given any kind of proper discipline or boundaries and has just been allowed to run around doing whatever he wants, so it's not a surprise that he's turned out like this really. I blame his teachers.’