The US administration breathed a collective sigh of relief today following President Obama’s announcement that their application for a wonga.com loan had been approved.
In a statement to Congress, a visibly relieved Obama seemed pleased with the arrangement, and was highly complementary about the whole Wonga experience.
“The green undulating fields and cartoon butterflies at the top of their website made me feel at ease immediately, plus they had this cool slidey borrowey thing that went all the way up to $2,400,000,000,000 – which was handy.”
“The whole thing was really user-friendly and made getting out of debt by getting into even more debt a doddle. They didn’t even seem bothered about our credit history.”
Not everyone is impressed, however, and the President’s mood soon turned sour when Nancy Pelosi, of the House of Representatives, quizzed him over Wonga’s representative APR of 4,214%.
“Look, you wanted it sorted and I’ve sorted it, ok? Can we stop going on about this now and talk about something else? You sound just like your fucking mother, do you know that?”
The deal comes after weeks of passive-aggressive discussions between Obama and his Council of Economic Advisers around an enormous, specially-constructed kitchen table in the White House.
Hillary Clinton, who was responsible for totalling up ‘what we’ve got going out’ and ‘what we’ve got coming in’ on the back of a giant manila envelope, said that having exhausted other credit avenues, in the end, wonga.com was their last hope.
“Ok, some will say that Obama’s been taken for a ride and that Wonga ‘saw him coming’, but then, so did the high street banks he tried. And seeing as he’s black, well, that was the problem.”