Fallout from the hacking scandal has claimed yet more jobs following the resignations of everyone within a 50-mile radius of anyone potentially implicated in the practice.
David Morgan, a vending machine engineer from Balham, was among the first to hand in his notice.
“Although I maintain that I knew nothing of illegal phone hacking practices at the News Of The World at the time they were going on, it’s clear the abhorrent nature of these offences have made my position untenable.”
While waiting at an overcrowded bus stop, he also asked that the press respect his family’s privacy at this difficult time, although accepted that this was probably unlikely.
Spencer Dale, the Bank of England’s chief economist, fears the slew of high, low and moderately-profiled scalps could mark the beginning of a devastating resignation pandemic.
“If we don’t take immediate steps, most of Europe, if not the world, could end up unemployed or at the very least on extended ‘gardening leave’. Come September, Colonel Gaddafi could be the only one left in a job.”
“Someone has to take responsibility for this and resign before it gets any worse.”
Meanwhile, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Iain Duncan Smith, says the effect on employment statistics could be dire.
“If we can find someone to compile them, I’m almost certain they won’t look very good. And I know Michael Gove is very worried about the effect this will have on teachers.”
“We won’t be resigning though. I mean, fuck me, we’ve got our pensions to think of.”