Alcohol fans were celebrating today, as Stella Artois added a further sheen of acceptability to day-time drinking.
Stella are keen to build on the success of 'Cidre', a french-sounding apple-flavoured tramp fuel that now dominates the crucial town centre and bus shelter markets. But they don't want to alienate their core customers, and find themselves backed into a corner and begging for mercy.
Marketing Director Peter Houghey is sure that the new 'wifebeatre lagre' will be a big hitter. "We all admire the French in this country. We love their chic style, their 'joie de vivre', their willingness to drink all day and abuse strangers."
"We want to tap into those values, and claw back some of the ground we've recently lost to meths and Toilet Duck."
The reassuringly strong drink is best served ice-cold, to neutralise any rogue flavour that may have crept in during transit.
As Houghey explained, "The traditional 'hoppy' flavour can be a bit much at breakfast. Served cold, it goes better with cereals and makes a perfect ice pack for black eyes."
Members of CAMRA have slammed the new drink, claiming the campaign is tasteless. But Houghey dismissed the criticism: "Most of that lot haven't even spoken to a girl. They're just being bittre."
