There was uproar in the studios of ITV last week following the botched recording of an appearance by Henry Tudor and his wife of three years Anne Boleyn on All Star Mr & Mrs. Fears are now growing for the safety of Anne, 29, who has not been seen since being escorted from the building by five Yeomen of the Guard.
'It was a disaster from the start,' admitted producer Rachel Dent. 'No sooner had we done the introductions than a dumpy Spanish woman rushed down from the audience to fling herself at Henry's feet, saying that she was his true wife in the eyes of God and had come to his bed a maid. Straight away the audience started booing Anne and calling her a whore and a strumpet.'
The intruder, later named as Henry's first wife Catherine of Aragon, was taken away and order was restored via a few summary hangings and floggings, presided over by executive producer Thomas Cromwell. However, the recording soon descended into farce again.
'When we asked them who wore the trousers in their palace, they just looked confused,' said Dent. 'But then, when Anne held up the pink paddle in answer to the question 'Who has the better grasp of theology?', Henry flew into a temper and said he was off to see Mistress Seymour, who would never dare use him so.'
Police are now searching for clues to the whereabouts of Anne and five handsome young gentlemen of her bedchamber, though they have declined offers from Thomas Caxton to hack into their private correspondence. Dent, meanwhile, is seriously worried about the future of All Star Mr & Mrs.
'We won't be able to transmit that show and if it goes on like this, I can see the whole series being axed - and not just us,' she said. 'But I'm hopeful of better luck next week, when we welcome the Emperor Claudius and his adorable young wife Messalina.'