Cheering crowds gathered in St Peter’s Square last night as the world joined in celebrating Mrs Bridget O’Reilly’s first orgasm since 1993.
Smoke rose from the Sistine Chapel and bells rang out as a delighted Mrs O’Reilly declared: “Now that’s what I call a Second Coming.”
The Roman Catholic mother-of-ten, from Dublin, had been unable to achieve orgasm for many years for worry that the act of love would lead to yet another pregnancy.
But last night’s climax followed the release this month of Pope Benedict’s controversial new Papal Bull, entitled “Seeing reason at last in a bid to ease pressure on the world’s resources and relieve the misery of millions of women held in virtual slavery by our antiquated and bigoted dictates.”
Sister Mary Immaculata, the Church’s spokesperson on women’s affairs, said: “Poor Bridget hasn’t even been able to crack one off on her own in the privacy of her own bedroom for fear of the teachings of the Holy Church, that she’d go blind and her hands would drop off.
“I tried to reassure her - us nuns in the convent are always telling each other “wears the soap; yes, doesn’t it (copyright the estate of Bob Monkhouse, 1923)”, but she wouldn’t have it – until last night, when she finally did have it, big time.”
The Catholic Church now plans to further relax its attitudes to contraception by releasing a range of white condoms in the shape of the Pontiff’s hat, to be called Popeylactics.
Quick links: NewsBiscuit Home • Chat Room • Writers' Room • Top Ten
Cheering crowds celebrate first orgasm since 1993
(7 posts) (6 voices)
Current rating::
-
FraserWords
offlineMemberPosted 1 year ago # -
waylandsmithy
offlineMemberIt's good!
Posted 1 year ago # -
beau-jolly
offlineMemberImmaculate
Posted 1 year ago # -
FraserWords
offlineMemberI was really hoping Rikkor would like it, and then I could get 5 stars doggy fashion
Posted 1 year ago #
Reply
You must log in to post.