In a final move to stave off complete bankruptcy and to reverse her financial fortunes, Sarah Ferguson has struck a deal with an American fragrance company to bottle and sell her own tears.
Chip Manning, Director of Scent Internationale, says that the deal to create a new perfume called “Lacrima”, represents a great opportunity for overseas customers to buy ‘some of that Royal magic’ during a time when the wedding and travels of Prince William and Kate Middleton have lifted interest to an all-time high.
Manning says, ‘We really see this as a win-win situation. The woman could blub for Britain and the scent we have created with her tears as the base has a really unique odour of roses, wet horse and undertones of whiskey - just like the Duchess herself. Whether it is good news or bad news, the tears flood out of her like a Chinese dam on an almost hourly basis. With that kind of steady, predictable supply, we can mix, bottle, crate and transport this to shops almost immediately”.
Manning believes that as they enter the early run into Christmas, which is a rather lonely and desolate period for Sarah Ferguson at the best of times, they will be able to up production even further and this could lead to an exclusive line. Manning says, “I think it’s safe to say that she will be as wet as a Russian submariner by yuletide and we feel that we will retain the classiness and refinement of the product by offering it to the customer then in Magnum, Methuselah or Nebuchadnezzar size”.
The Palace was unavailable for comment on the matter but was prepared to say that they were considering bringing out a rival perfume this Summer based on when Princess Michael of Kent was told that she wouldn’t be allowed to live rent free at Kensington Palace any more.