Security chiefs at the gateway to heaven announced the theft of the Pearly Gates late last night fearing that they may already be sold and melted down for scrap.
The wrought-iron gates disappeared from the clouds, as Saint Peter, keeper of the keys to the Heavenly Kingdom took a short comfort break. It is now believed that this is the latest incident related to a spate of metal thefts which has been plaguing the Kingdom and leaving police in absolute limbo.
“It was getting late and things were a bit quiet so I decided to snatch a couple of minutes to myself,” said St Peter “I was a bit peckish and ate some manna I had left over from tea, when I got back there was nothing left but the hinges. I was totally god smacked.”
St Thomas said that he saw the gates intact just after 11.00pm so there was no doubt that St Peter was telling the truth.
With queues of lost souls building up Peter blew on his heavenly trumpet to summon a host of emergency angels, who helped to take control of the situation by forming a cordon across the unprotected entrance.
“It was touch and go without the gates, trying to sort out those not fit to enter heaven and redirecting them to the other place but we managed to get through it with a minimum of fuss.”
A spokes-angel for the Heavenly Kingdom said, “There has been a spate of unsolved metal thefts recently, Aaron lost his rod a couple of weeks ago, just before Jacob’s ladder was nicked. Three golden harps disappeared just before Christmas and we found two chariots mounted up on pillars in March with their wheels gone. We’ve put extra security around the Ark of the Covenant just in case.”
Investigations are continuing with Celestial Circuit Television (CCTV) footage being scrutinized but so far nothing has been found. The spokes-angel continued, “We strongly believe that the thieves may be using the services of a fence to dispose of these goods.”