I suppose this place has a love/hate relationship with The Onion as I bet more than once Newsbiscuit has tried to run something and then found that The Onion has a near identical or highly similar piece already extant, and there's also the grumpiness resultant from the inevitability of The Onion getting more attention simply because it's American.
I personally prefer Newsbiscuit because I find the English sense of humour less predictable and more biting, (and also while The Onion has plenty of good titles and sub-headings, Newsbiscuit has superior longform articles) but it cannot be denied that The Onion has its share of goodies. Thought this thread could be used to point out favourite stories on The Onion whilst sparing people the pain of trawling through the site because IMHO it has a higher ratio of duds than NB.
(In fact total duds on NB are quite rare. They certainly exist -in order not to cause offense I won't point out examples- but compared to other similar sites they're much less common. Quality control here is pretty good.)
Anyway, some current Onion stories. Please add your own as you fancy.
Congress Spotted Leaving Gay Nightclub
WASHINGTON—According to numerous eyewitness reports, all 535 members of Congress were seen late Sunday night stumbling out of Mermaids, a gay nightclub in Washington, D.C. "Yeah, I saw them leaving there about 2 a.m.," said passerby Alex Hanvey, who told reporters he watched as a bouncer unhooked a velvet rope and helped the legislative branch of the United States government exit the club. "They hailed a cab and left with some guy."
Popular Jock Praised For Executing Potential School Shooter
Quick thinking prom king Trevor Wilson pumped three bullets into quiet loner Sam Stevens' forehead before he had a chance to think about turning on fellow students.
Tensions Mount After North Korea Destroys All Of Asia
Congress has pledged to consider looking into new sanctions following North Korea's eradication of all life on the Asian continent.
Congress Continues Debate Over Whether Nation Should Be Economically Ruined
WASHINGTON—Members of the U.S. Congress reported Wednesday they were continuing to carefully debate the issue of whether or not they should allow the country to descend into a roiling economic meltdown of historically dire proportions. "It is a question that, I think, is worthy of serious consideration: Should we take steps to avoid a crippling, decades-long depression that would lead to disastrous consequences on a worldwide scale? Or should we not do that?" asked House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA), adding that arguments could be made for both sides, and that the debate over ensuring America’s financial solvency versus allowing the nation to default on its debt—which would torpedo stock markets, cause mortgage and interests rates to skyrocket, and decimate the value of the U.S. dollar—is “certainly a conversation worth having.” "Obviously, we don't want to rush to consensus on whether it is or isn't a good idea to save the American economy and all our respective livelihoods from certain peril until we've examined this thorny dilemma from every angle. And if we’re still discussing this matter on Aug. 2, well, then, so be it.” At press time, President Obama said he personally believed the country should not be economically ruined.
A longform article that I enjoyed:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/last-male-heir-to-bloodline-watches-movie-alone-on,20969/
