Police in Pendlebury have praised the successful prosecution of a local dentist after reports from several elderly patients that he was 'potentially dangerous'. Mr Paval Irdomiski stood accused of making the 'unwelcome advances' at his Lancashire practice after taking over the premises in December of last year and refitting it with the latest dental technology.
Mrs Hilda Wilton, an ex-client of Mr Irdomiski called as prosecution witness, said 'I was just expecting a bit of a scale and polish and maybe a filling, but I was always a bit wary of him as he was very chatty, even though I clearly wasn't in a position to reply. He had a dodgy foreign accent and every time my sublingual salivary gland squirted him in the face he winked at me.'
'He spent a while with a normal-looking drill on one of my top teeth and I was expecting him to use a high quality mercury amalgam,' she continued, 'but then after mixing up what looked like tile grout, he got out his rod and gave it good shove to squeeze it into my hole. Then he came at me with this contraption emitting a strange buzzing noise and an odd blue light from the tip. The last thing I was expecting him to do was to place his hand on my shoulder before jamming his tool firmly in my mouth. I screamed as loud as I could and ran out of his office. Whatever he was planning to do with me, it wasn't anything I had consented to.'
'Mrs Wilton was clearly fully consensual in the procedure by virtue of attending the dental surgery with a complaint of mild toothache,' said Mr Duncan James, defending, 'Technological improvements such as UV-curable filling paste are commonplace in this day and age and elderly patients should not be afraid of changes in dental practice such as these.' The jury remained unconvinced, however, and took just thirty minutes to return a guilty verdict.
After the verdict was announced, a spokesman read a statement on behalf of the Crown Prosecution Service outside Salford Crown Court. 'We welcome the jury's decision in this case,' he said, 'and would call for anyone working with the elderly to slow down the pace of change and reconsider making potentially unwelcome technological advances before it's too late.'
One aging member of the public gallery exclaimed, 'That lawyer reckoned the bloke was just reparing an old filling in Hilda's upper left third molar, but we all know he was trying to put her under hypnosis with his ray gun before giving her a bit of a grope.'
'Unless my dentist is using a good old fashioned hand-drill and a pair of pliers, I'm steering clear. I'll visit my local gay bar if I want anything else.'