The Prime Minister, David Cameron, vigorously denied rumours last night that he had appointed Sir Paul McCartney to write his Swan song.
“This is a malicious ‘untruth’ perpetrated by certain elements within the opposition and neither I nor my esteemed colleagues have made such an appointment.”
Rumours began when Sir Paul was seen entering the back door of No 10 wearing dark glasses and carrying an armful of blank music sheets. When questioned by a reporter about the purpose of his visit he said, “I’ve come to tune the Steinway mate, now fuck off.”
However in a transcript of private telephone conversations delivered to The Sun from an anonymous source, Sir Paul is heard talking to an unidentified government official. In it he says that he is “happy to be working on a grand finale”’ for someone he refers to as “shiny face”. The conversation moves on to suitable themes, “I’m thinking of a mixture of Band on the Run or Fool on the Hill with a soupcon of We All Stand Together.” Another voice then interjects saying “No Macca, let’s keep the fucking frogs out of this one.”
Opposition leader, Ed Miliband pushed the issue further at Prime Minister’s Question Time. “Not content with going out with a whimper, this Prime Minister has appointed, at the tax-payer’s expense I might add, one of the most expensive composers in the world to orchestrate his departure. In these difficult times why didn’t he appoint the Wurzels or Nana Mouskouri even, at least then he’d be doing his bit for the British countryside or Greece.”
A spokesperson for Dame Shirley Bassey denied that the singer had been approached by Sir Paul but that she would be ‘delighted’ to give the Prime Minister a show stopping send off.