Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg today threw several impoverished students, a cute puppy dog and Sir Bruce Forsyth onto a blazing bonfire of the lovely frocks of a naked, shivering Duchess of Cambridge before pissing on the Cenotaph and declaring “Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
“Now I can be Britain’s most hated person again”, howled Clegg, brandishing a signed photo of the late Queen Mother and vowing: “I’m going to wipe my arse on this.”
Clegg staged the dramatic protest after announcing that he was going to sue for wrongful dismissal from his post as the country’s whipping boy.
“I’d just bought a long black cloak with scarlet lining, and was growing one of those moustaches with twirly ends,” he sobbed, as journalists sped past him on their way to the latest development in the ongoing phone hacking scandal.
“I hacked the Pope’s phone!” he shouted after the disappearing reporters.
In his wrongful dismissal case before an industrial tribunal, Clegg will argue that News International proprietor Rupert Murdoch, his son James and their former chief executive Rebekah Brooks ignored clearly set-out rules governing the position of most hated person.
“It was still my turn,” said Clegg. “The Duchess herself was slated for a slating later this year when the media tire of their latest plaything, and of course Fabio Capello is diaried to take over as soon as England complete their abject capitulation in Euro 2012.
“Nobody said anything at any point about this News International gang.
“And anyway, it’s not fair – they’ve got a massive advantage when it comes to being universally disliked, what with being Australian and a Ginger.”
Asked about Clegg’s protest, Prime Minister David Cameron said: “Nick who? Is he another journalist?”
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Hate me! Hate me again! says Nick Clegg, pissing on the Cenotaph
(12 posts) (8 voices)
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offlineMemberPosted 1 year ago # -
Brilliant.
Posted 1 year ago # -
FraserWords
offlineMemberThrilled that the nasty version got comments and the nicer one didn't - cheers.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Still brilliant.
Posted 1 year ago # -
FraserWords
offlineMemberBack, back, back - thanks guys, I'd given this one up
Posted 1 year ago #
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